Never is a bold word.
Never steals hope.
Never is a lie.
Only you know what you’re capable of. Only you can determine that.
But to find out, you need three things.
All things you can control, develop and cultivate every day.
I know for me, if I didn’t cultivate these three, I would’ve continued to listen to outside opinions, continued to get worse, and who knows if I would still be here to tell the tale…
So here’s what they are and how you can cultivate them to get better:
HOPE
Without it, we give up.
Without it we can’t grow — we shrink.
Hope starts with someone who believes in us. It starts with an inspiring story, with a bit of progress, or with our own defiance or stubbornness.
Hope is the precursor of belief — something that pulls us forward even further. We need it to achieve everything we want.
But without even knowing it, when we’re in a state of hopelessness, we ask for answers but almost immediately shut them down. We feel sorry for ourselves, we’re exhausted and all we want is a quick fix or an easy answer.
When we’re in a state of hopelessness we say things like…
“I’m doing so much, but nothing is enough.”
“I’ve tried everything.”
“This is impossible!”
“There’s nothing I can do…”
Now if this is you, or sometimes you, know it’s been me too. Don’t beat yourself up. We’re all human and we have these moments. The important thing is to recognise it, so you can opt to change it.
The next thing we do when we’re hopeless is make excuses for ourselves. Stop that. Right now.
Almost ANYTHING is possible! People defy science, logic, and expectations all the time! Let you be one of them.
Don’t let your unique situation or condition be an excuse.
It doesn’t matter if no one with the same condition or exact situation as you have done it — be the first!
There are so many stories of people who have done the impossible — connect with them and read about them!
For instance…
I have an incredible friend who had a stroke but was told he would never speak again. He now sings. In fact, I’m having him on Ra Chats real soon! It’ll be super inspiring, so stay tuned for that.
I also know someone who was told he would never read, write or communicate. He now reads 2000 words a minute!!!!! He’s insane — now an international speaker and one of the most incredible communicators I have ever met.
Not your situation? Not your story? Me either. I didn’t have the perfect person to model my recovery on, my conditions were super rare, and truthfully, some unknown at the time. But through cultivating hope and these other qualities, I went from being allergic to everything, a 40kg skeleton, and a scary beast (unrecognisable to my friends and family), back to being able to eat again, looking like a human and reversing my skin condition.
I’m still on the journey to recovery — bit by bit getting better — but before that, it was a downward slope because I had little to no hope.
So don’t give up on you. Surround yourself with inspiring stories, and people who believe in your ability to change. I know I do.
For more help on cultivating hope, read: How to squash self-pity and all of your excuses
COMMITMENT
I’m talking about a commitment to yourself, which takes courage. Who knows how long it will take you to achieve what you want. But time is not important, it takes as long as it takes. Your life is now, don’t put it on pause. Trust me, it won’t miraculously start again when you achieve what you think you want.
Happiness comes from being who you wanna be, not having what you wanna have.
That’s the hardest truth.
And it’s a shitty thing to hear. I know when I was at my worst I just wanted it to be over. If I knew how long it’d take, or if I knew how hard it was going to be, I might have given up there and then. And that speaks volumes!
If time is a factor for you, you’re not loving yourself enough. You need to commit, because if you can’t commit to you, how could you expect anyone else to?
Be in it for the long haul.
Once I committed, I ignored people when they reacted to flare-ups, and equally ignored people hyped about minor improvements. I tracked my changes, I knew there were fluctuations up and down, but by taking it day-by-day and committing to long-term, I knew where I was going, so other people’s opinions wouldn’t derail me.
Sure, it was fucking hard, and I had days where I did fall into a heap and feel sorry for myself, but you’ve got to get back up again. Keep the course.
Decide and commit to a course.
Another important part of overcoming hopelessness and commitment issues is decision. To reduce the fleeting nature of it all. Stop jumping from experiment to experiment, treatment to treatment, practitioner to practitioner. Give it a good go!
Now when I decided to try a new treatment, food, or plan, I stick to it for months before I decided to move on.
Commit to yourself, focus on who you are, not what you have. You’re the most important person you’ll ever commit to.
For more help staying committed and being in it for the long-haul, read: The problem with expectations and how to let go of them, and Just because you slip up, doesn’t mean you give up.
RESPONSIBILITY
Without it, you’re at the mercy of other people’s decisions, and incapable of creating conscious change.
A topic that’s come up in almost every Ra Chat with people who’ve overcome, or committed to overcoming incredibly debilitating conditions. What changed for them? They took responsibility.
At first, confronting, but then empowering. Owning your situation is the most important step to taking control of your health and happiness. Hands down.
Be an active participant, not a passive recipient.
I remember being super pissed, devastated and feeling sorry for myself by the misinformation I was given by practitioners — both medical and natural. Of course, it’s important to be able to trust a practitioner, but it’s also important to weigh what they say against your own research. Care enough about yourself to take a step back before you act.
The answers aren’t outside of you.
I know it may sound cliche, but it’s true.
There’s a lot emotionally as well as physically that we need to tune into.
When I was in a state of hopelessness I wasn’t self-reflecting. I was desperate to find someone to fix me and I was looking for answers everywhere except myself.
I saw myself as a happy person, a positive person, and all those things were partly true, but they stopped me from sitting with myself, allowing me to go deeper, and to listen to what I intuitively wanted and needed.
There’s always emotional stuff to work on. Don’t fool yourself like I did!
It’s always your call.
It’s your health, yourbody, and therefore your responsibility. Do your due diligence — hire and fire who you want. They are your advisors, you make the call.
Let your advisors be your starting point.
Taking responsibility goes hand-in-hand with a commitment to leaning. Learn more, look around, build an awesome team around you. You deserve it! More importantly, informing yourself is an important part of tapping into your own intuition and getting quicker results.
For more on cultivating responsibility, and not self-blame read: How to make shame a superpower: a counterintuitive approach to getting what you want.
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Now let’s find out what you’re capable of!
Let me know which of the three you most want to work on and why. Plus the first step you’ll take to cultivate it.
Lots of love,
Xx Jess