Expectations are insidious. They sneak up on you then slap you in the face.
Well, at least that’s how I feel sometimes…
As thoughts, they start out small, but when unmet expand to disappointment, escalate to inaction — or worse — ill-intended action (aka self-sabotage). And before you know it, that gap between what you thought would be, and what is, is so big the only thing this gaping void can be filled with is more disappointment, despair, and even depression.
Expectations can escalate, and when they do, they hinder our progress and rob us of our happiness.
Recently, this happened to me. I did two fasts, one after the other, and my expectation was, my skin would clear quickly, and it would be relatively easy.
But neither turned out to be true.
When my expectations weren’t met, I quickly went from feeling empowered and in control, to down and despondent. From thinking, “you’ve got this”, to “this sucks, what’s the point? I can’t do this!”
Until I decided to be still, take a step back and do the simple steps I’m about to share with you.
If you’ve ever felt disappointed, not followed through on what you wanted, or thought “what’s the point?” this post is for you.
Before we dive deep into the “how-to’s” of letting go of expectations. It’s important to note, expectations may not always start out big and unrealistic. In fact, they may start out small, motivating and achievable.
This is what happened to me.
My expectations started out small. Simply to be in control of my eating and to ease my anxiety in new social settings and festive food environments. Those were realistic because they were achieved. But somehow my expectations of myself and my body escalated and left me feeling deflated, deprived, and undeserving.
I went from feeling empowered by my actions, to being clouded and consumed by my skin not meeting my expectations and hard efforts. I saw other improvements, but they weren’t good enough. This quickly lead to self-sabotaging thoughts, actions, and just pure unhappiness.
To be clear, this had nothing to do with the fast, and everything to do with my expectations of the results it “should” bring.
It’s important then, at every stage of your journey where you decide to do something different and to achieve an outcome, to be aware of how your expectations evolve and change so that you can take the necessary actions — I’m about to share with you — to let go, maintain enthusiasm and be happy.
This applies to all goals and aspirations but is especially true when it comes to your health. The journey to health and healing never really ends, it simply changes. But to change, it’s important to take a counterintuitive first step, which is to…
Accept where you’re at.
Sounds simple, but it’s not always easy to execute.
A year ago I was going through massive healing struggles, with massive leaps and bounds, and through that, I learned the important difference between acceptance and complacency.
I wrote a piece called, accept it, but don’t settle for it, explaining an important distinction I needed to let go of my expectations.
Reading this short piece will give you the mindset shift necessary to learn and relearn how to accept your situation, let go of expectations, and free yourself up to take intuitive, conscious, well-meaning action.
When I accepted my skin AGAIN, for the millionth time ;), I was able to take the next-best-step to heal myself.
For more on acceptance, read how I learned to appreciate what I hate. Written pre in the ra, but still raw and real and gives a practical example of how to accept yourself and your situation, see here.
Reward yourself for taking action
This stops you from beating yourself up or taking actions that are self-sabotaging.
Rewarding yourself in some way teaches your brain and your body that actions are worth rewarding. And results will follow.
For me, I rewarded my fasting effort with eating out. This may not sound like a big deal, but given my allergies, it’s a big treat and makes me feel “normal”. Do what is rewarding for you, what do you consider a treat?
We can control our actions and efforts, but not our exact outcomes. We have to let go of our expectations because often it’s not up to us.
But, if we teach ourselves to measure our success based on the action we take, the effort we make, and the mere fact we tried — eventually and inevitably we will make progress. And more effortlessly our outcomes will be realised.
This starts with rewarding the effort, not the results.
Get out of your mind and into your body
I’m a big believer that the tension we hold in our bodies are emotions we are yet to let go of.
One of the best ways I’ve found to let go of tension over time is through movement.
If I’m too much in my mind, I move my body. It’s the quickest way to move energy and a massive step in letting go.
When I get anxious, I want to eat. After my fast, I had some business challenges that hit me hard and all I wanted to do was consume my ENTIRE cupboard! But before I did that, thankfully I tapped into this truth…
Get out of your mind and into your body — just move and it will improve.
How I move is different every time. Sometimes the movement is yoga, a run, sometimes it’s simply having a sauna, and moving the breath! This time, the “business challenge” time, it was a walk.
I walked it out and let go of my tension. Moving my body moved my mind out of a stiff stagnation. In that, I freed my mind to solve my business issues and overcame my anxiety. With an added bonus of my pantry still stocked. Admittedly it doesn’t always turn out that way…
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Now, where are you at on the acceptance scale from 0-10? Zero being I don’t accept my situation AT all, and 10 being I accept it and appreciate it fully. Wherever you are you can improve it with appreciation. Tell me one thing you are grateful for about your situation.
And what will you reward yourself with? This will be something unique to you. My friends know that when I go on a bender, it means I’ve spent my entire savings on book deliveries. #NerdAlert. Whatever it is, I’d love to know what it is for you.
Lastly, let me know in the comments below what your movement of choice is. 🙂
And as always, sending you lots of skin and self-love!
Xx Jess