I often get asked, how do you stay so confident?
But I wasn’t always. I have come from some seriously dark moments because it’s extremely challenging to have health issues (including some near death experiences) and confronting to have a skin condition. But in truth, I’ve become even more confident in who I am now than when I was healthy and with clear skin. Yes! Getting through those challenging times and blows to my confidence broke me down, but put me back together stronger and more confident than ever.
Of course, sometimes the darkness still finds me, and when it does, I can trace it back to the elements I share in this post. If you address these five things and work towards strengthening them, your confidence will strengthen. But inversely, if you neglect and forget them, your confidence will also diminish.
At least that’s what I’ve found for myself…so here’s how I stay confident with a skin condition.
1. Be seen
Allow yourself to be seen, and through this courage, your confidence will come.
This is about vulnerability — physically, creativity, and emotionally. For me, being seen physically was the first hurdle, and by shying away from the world I was telling myself I was little more than what I looked like and this alone was deeply damaging to my self-esteem.
If you currently struggle to see yourself and are judging harshly when you look in the mirror, stop for at least a week. This will train yourself to focus on other aspects of your being, because whatever you focus on expands, so let’s not fixate on your flaws!
The thing that came after being physically seen was being seen creatively — to show an extension of myself to the world. This was when I started in the Ra. Though I must admit, it scared the shit out of me! But what gave me the courage was why — I never wanted what happened to me to happen to another human being, and if my story could prevent that, then my own embarrassment, potential humiliation, or failure would be worth it. Of course, most of our fears and things we think may happen, don’t. And since starting in the Ra nothing but positive things have come from it. I’ve met so many inspiring people, connected with beautiful souls and helped more of you than I ever thought possible! Not to mention, sped up my own healing, and helped me through the tough times.
Now to find your creative outlet, ask yourself — what have you been putting off because of your skin condition? What skills do you want to improve? And what gifts can you share with the world?
2. Build certainty
We are confident about what we are certain of. When our health, skin, job, relationship, or anything else is uncertain, fear, doubt and anxiety ensue.
When it comes to our skin and our health it is imperative we understand the cause, identify the triggers and have a clear plan of action. As you become more certain that you’re doing the right thing, it frees you up not to obsess day-to-day about your progress, and you can move forward with other areas of your life. In addition to healing and looking after yourself, of course. For me, because I was such an extreme case, the only way I could be certain is whilst fasting.
But still, it’s going to be important to test, and get a team to help — topically, physically, emotionally and spiritually. And never stop learning! The more you know, the more confident in your program you’ll be, the better quality crew you’ll have around you, and the more effective it will be.
3. Retrain your brain
Be compassionate and understanding with yourself. How you speak to yourself affects everything. It changes the nervous system, the inflammation in your body, the chemicals in your brain — how you think affects your physiology.
So, at the end of each day, I reflect in my notes. I write down three things I’ve done, said, or changed that day. Ask yourself, what have you done well today? And write those things down. Some days are much harder than others, but what it does is train your brain to see the good in yourself, when often the default is to see the bad.
4. Have empathy
Every time you judge yourself…
Forget about what you should be doing, feeling and experiencing, and focus on what you are doing, feeling and experiencing. Because whatever you are going through right now is exactly what you need to go through for your unique evolution.
You deserve love, compassion and empathy, but it has to start with you being there for you.
So ask yourself, what can I learn from this? What is this experience trying to teach me?
Because the more you listen to yourself, the stronger your intuition becomes, the more certainty you have, the more you trust yourself, and the more confident you inevitably become.
5. Rally a team
When I got sick I was surrounded with negativity and abuse, but who can get well in that environment? I realised almost too late that no matter how strong you think you can be, it is essential to weed out the toxic people, and rally a great team around you. This means friends, family (if applicable) and your health crew (i.e., practitioners). To get people who are forces pulling you forward in the direction you set, and not pushing you where they want and think you should go, is not only important for your health, but for your confidence.
Unfortunately for me, at the time of my worst, I could barely work because I was so sick, and I was so ashamed of my appearance, there weren’t many places to escape to.
Eventually, though it got so difficult I had no other choice but to be emotionally vulnerable, ask for help, and open up to my big sis about what I was going on. But before that, no one knew!
Next thing I knew I was able to surround myself for months at a time with friends who I learned loved me no matter what. With family who I became close to (when I never previously was). Plus, I was able to weed out the ones that didn’t give a damn!
But before reaching out, being seen, and asking for help I leave my house for three months! Talk about a lack of confidence, self-worth, and health! So rallying a team was pivotal to re-building my confidence, self-esteem and healing, and as it grows, it continues to be!
So who can you rally?
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Now I want to hear from you! Please let me know in the comments below which one of these resonates most with you? And which one will you implement today (and each day thereafter) to increase your confidence?
xx Jess