Girls especially need to hear this because I almost NEVER hear men apologising for the way they look.
Monday just gone, I had an important meeting with a potential client. I wanted to make a good impression because she’s this cool entrepreneur, super fun to work with, and a total badass.
Then, as I was getting ready to meet her, I started grappling over my skin — should I, or shouldn’t I wear make up for this thing?
All of a sudden I was concerned.
I knew I didn’t want to, but in my head, I was worried she’d think I was lazy, unkempt, odd, or unprofessional.
Eventually, I came to the conclusion that if she cared about my skin, I just wouldn’t work with her. Yet I still wondered…
Should I apologise? Explain my skin situation? Call out the red in the room?
Wait… oh hell no! Why would I apologise for something that I’m struggling with?
Sure, it’s something I used to do all the time, but all it did was draw attention toward my insecurities and away from the positive aspects of who I am.
So I didn’t do it, but then, she did.
We met, bantered, and then she told me, “I’ve just got back from surfing” (so cool!) then continued, “which is why my hair is less than optimal right now…” she apologised for the way she looked!
At first, I couldn’t believe it, then it made me laugh. Here I am worried about my beetroot visage while she’s worried about her beautiful beach hair, and it made me realise — one, we are both being silly, two, everyone’s worried about themselves not you, and three, by apologising for exterior stuff, we’re perpetuating a bigger problem.
That even though we want society to shift away from shallow inferences — putting too much emphasis on the way we look — we perpetuate it by putting our own emphasis on it.
By treating our appearance as the most important aspect of how we show up, we minimise ourselves and the other women around us.
That doesn’t mean we won’t ever reveal our insecurities, or expose our flaws because that’s part of being human. Vulnerability is important for connection, but apologising for it puts us down and sells ourselves short.
The only way to alleviate insecurities is to own them, figure out how you want to show up and focus on seeing yourself for who you are — intelligent, positive, enthusiastic, confident funny, interesting, peculiar, creative, curious, empathetic etc.
Plus, the less we focus on our exterior, the more time we have to develop important characteristics that create true value and connection. Only then can we become the best versions of ourselves.
Bit by bit, as we stop saying sorry for our face, our hair, our nose or our clothes we start to collectively change the way we see ourselves and each other.
Societal change can only start with us. Don’t you think?
xx Jess